To our darling Angel Mom,
Four years ago today you spread your wings and flew to heaven. How I prayed you wouldn't go and leave us! How I wished I could have reeled you back in and kept you with us forever. I prayed so hard, offering God everything I owned for more time with you. But that's so selfish of me, isn't it? I know we each have our own journey, our own destiny, and I have no power to change that. Yet how shocking it is that you were taken so soon. And how difficult it has been for us since you've gone. Nothing is the same, nothing will ever be the same again.
We miss you every single day, mom. We still go to pick up the phone and call you, oh those wonderful, funny phone calls! We were so lucky to have you, always there for us, never ever turning away from us. We had so many plans, the "girls" trip to England with your daughters and their daughters to visit all of the places Rosemund Pilcher wrote about in the books we all loved. Our family trip to Ireland, all of us together in a place you loved so much.
If I could have any wish, mom, you know what it would be. One more day...to hold you, to laugh with you, to tell you again how very much I love you. Can you see me? Can you hear me? Do you know how much I miss and love you? How much we all miss and love you? You would be so proud of your grandchildren, mom! They're all growing so fast, and are so beautiful. Your little Annie is amazing...just like you. I do believe you see...you know. Don't forget me, my mom. I will never forget you. Until we meet again, you have my heart...always. xx, Ker
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Changing Times
Well, times have certainly changed. I can't remember a Memorial Day that my kids and I along with my brother and his family (and anyone else who was in town) got together at my parent's home for a little barbeque. So many memories. But dad is recovering from open heart surgery and didn't seem up to visitors (can we blame him?!?), although the kids really wanted to see him. And next year he will be in his new home in Florida.
Life is so strange. One minute you're in the middle of it all and maybe taking it for granted, and the next minute you're left with memories. Then it's time to move forward and make new plans.
So yesterday we spent a lovely afternoon with some friends on their sunny deck. It was a good time and the kids really enjoyed themselves. I didn't know many people but enjoyed talking with them and learning their stories.
Yet when that barbeque was started and those burgers were cooking away, I was lost in the memories of dad and my brother talking away at the grill, and the kids running around their wonderful backyard having the time of their lives just playing together. And mom...sitting on the back porch with her feet up, a cold drink and a funny story. Mom...so missed.
SO...along with the changing times comes some good news! I am just under NINE pounds down and feeling very hopeful. Of course the fact that I can hardly afford any food might be a part of it, but even when I'm around a lot of it, I'm making the choices I need to make today. And seeing results. I will get there! And here's to good changes for all of us.
Life is so strange. One minute you're in the middle of it all and maybe taking it for granted, and the next minute you're left with memories. Then it's time to move forward and make new plans.
So yesterday we spent a lovely afternoon with some friends on their sunny deck. It was a good time and the kids really enjoyed themselves. I didn't know many people but enjoyed talking with them and learning their stories.
Yet when that barbeque was started and those burgers were cooking away, I was lost in the memories of dad and my brother talking away at the grill, and the kids running around their wonderful backyard having the time of their lives just playing together. And mom...sitting on the back porch with her feet up, a cold drink and a funny story. Mom...so missed.
SO...along with the changing times comes some good news! I am just under NINE pounds down and feeling very hopeful. Of course the fact that I can hardly afford any food might be a part of it, but even when I'm around a lot of it, I'm making the choices I need to make today. And seeing results. I will get there! And here's to good changes for all of us.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saying Farewell to our Childhood Home
There are moments in life that can take you by surprise, take your breath away and transport you to a place where it's crucial to work on acceptance. As we say in the program, "acceptance is the answer to all of our problems today." Yes...acceptance. So desired and yet so difficult to reach sometimes.
My dad has sold our family home, a home we've owned for 46 years, a home that has seen my parent's five children grow, leave, come back, leave, return for visits with spouses and children of their own. Such family history lies within those walls! So many memories.
We lost our beautiful mom four years ago next week...four years. It seems like just yesterday that we were having one of our daily laughs over the phone, planning for Christmas...a Christmas that never came. That's how quickly life can change. In the blink of an eye, our entire world can change.
My dad remarried and now he and his new wife are heading down South to begin a new chapter in his life. I need to be happy for my dad and to be on his side and work at putting my feelings aside. I'm a grown woman who understands that life moves on and we must move along with it or remain stuck in the past, which can cause us much pain. I know this. Yet I find myself yearning for the past, for the days of coming home and knowing that mom was there waiting, that dad would soon be there and that my brothers and sisters and I would all be together with them.
We've always been a very close family, very much involved in each other's lives. Yet when we lost our mom, it was as if the very foundation of our family began to slip away. Now it's as if we've all be scattered to the wind and holding onto our connection has been a real challenge.
My dad's wife sent us each the colored photo of our home that the realtor made, along with a copy of the virtual tour. As much as I will treasure having these, as I held the large photo in my hand, the colors all blurred with the tears that filled my eyes. As I looked at that beautiful home, I could hear my mom's voice calling my name, I could see us all outside running around, I could see our own children sitting on the front porch on July 4th enjoying their red, white & blue popsicles that their Nana had bought for them. Or running around the yard looking for those plastic eggs filled with candy and quarters that their Poppy had hidden for them.
Memories...such a gift to us. A gift that can bring a smile or a tear. I thank God for our memories, I thank God for such a beautiful home to grow up in, and most of all I thank God for such amazing parents who gave us such a wonderful childhood, who taught us so much and who showed us the way to create our own lives. We can never go home again, but in my heart, I will always be there with them.
My dad has sold our family home, a home we've owned for 46 years, a home that has seen my parent's five children grow, leave, come back, leave, return for visits with spouses and children of their own. Such family history lies within those walls! So many memories.
We lost our beautiful mom four years ago next week...four years. It seems like just yesterday that we were having one of our daily laughs over the phone, planning for Christmas...a Christmas that never came. That's how quickly life can change. In the blink of an eye, our entire world can change.
My dad remarried and now he and his new wife are heading down South to begin a new chapter in his life. I need to be happy for my dad and to be on his side and work at putting my feelings aside. I'm a grown woman who understands that life moves on and we must move along with it or remain stuck in the past, which can cause us much pain. I know this. Yet I find myself yearning for the past, for the days of coming home and knowing that mom was there waiting, that dad would soon be there and that my brothers and sisters and I would all be together with them.
We've always been a very close family, very much involved in each other's lives. Yet when we lost our mom, it was as if the very foundation of our family began to slip away. Now it's as if we've all be scattered to the wind and holding onto our connection has been a real challenge.
My dad's wife sent us each the colored photo of our home that the realtor made, along with a copy of the virtual tour. As much as I will treasure having these, as I held the large photo in my hand, the colors all blurred with the tears that filled my eyes. As I looked at that beautiful home, I could hear my mom's voice calling my name, I could see us all outside running around, I could see our own children sitting on the front porch on July 4th enjoying their red, white & blue popsicles that their Nana had bought for them. Or running around the yard looking for those plastic eggs filled with candy and quarters that their Poppy had hidden for them.
Memories...such a gift to us. A gift that can bring a smile or a tear. I thank God for our memories, I thank God for such a beautiful home to grow up in, and most of all I thank God for such amazing parents who gave us such a wonderful childhood, who taught us so much and who showed us the way to create our own lives. We can never go home again, but in my heart, I will always be there with them.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Lost It!
I just worked on an article titled "Container Gardening" for the past hour and accidentally wiped it out before posting it. I am crushed! Will work on another one tomorrow...sigh. (Doing a lot of sighing lately!)
Container Gardening
I DIDN'T LOSE IT AFTER ALL!
Many of us do not have much outdoor space in which to garden. Over the years, I've worked on numerous indoor and patio gardens which allow me to enjoy the colorful beauty, wonderful fragrance and delicious taste of the many plants that are available at your local farmer's market or gar in all shapes and sizes.
My favorite planting includes flowering, herbs and vegetables all tucked in together in a wonderful, eye-catching pot. This type of planting will thrive on your patio or step if it gets either morning or afternoon sun, good ventilation and the right amount of water.
Many different pots will work. I've found the most unique containers that become wonderful planters. Terra cotta looks good with many different plants but it can be heavy and is not frost resistent. Unglazed terra cotta has good air circulation, which is very important. Wood offers a natural look. Usually you'll see wood used for window boxes or barrel plantings. It's important to ensure the wood has not been treated with any chemicals that will harm your plants or you, if you're planting edibles. Plastic pots are lightweight and come in almost all colors, shapes, and sizes. Some of them are also designed to look like clay. Plastic doesn't chip and the pots won't break if left outside in cold weather. But plastic pots do not allow for much air circulation within the planting.
Once you've chosen your pot, the first thing you want to do is invest in a good potting soil, one that has a good fertilizer/plant food mixed in. Before adding the soil, make sure your pot has good drainage. Makes sure there are holes in the bottom of the pot, if not you can easily drill a few. Create a drainage system by simply placing some small stones at the bottom of the pot, being sure not to totally cover up the holes. It's also been suggested to use a small amount of charcoal sprinkled on the stones for freshness. Once I couldn't get ahold of a single stone so I broke down some of the hundreds of seashells I've collected over the years and it worked wonderfully.
You can first place your plants on top of the soil in your pot to get an idea of how you want your design to look. Check out a color wheel to decide which flowering plants you want in the same pot. I like a variety of color, shapes, sizes and textures. I always like to put something tall right in the center, such as a group of Allium (chives) which have that pretty purple "globe" flower. Upright, trailing and clumping are the different terms used to describe the various shapes of plants. Trailing colorful plants always look great planted along the edges of your pot and include Lobelia, Pansies, Nasturtiums & Fuschia. A great look is mixing colorful trailing plants with green or variegated ones such as Vinca vine.
I like to plant a mix of red & green lettuce next to clumps of white Allysum along with herbs such as Rosemary, Sage (Russian Sage leaves have a fabulous color & texture to them), Mint, Lavender, Basil, Dill...the list goes on and on! It's also great to add some scented geraniums to the mix. Of course the lovely "Martha Washington" geraniums in white, pink or red are always a great addition to your container garden.
The possibilities are endless for your container garden when you let your imagination run wild. The only thing you don't want to run wild is your container garden, except for your trailing plants...the longer and fuller, the better! Otherwise, give it a good pruning once a week, water as needed (you'll see and feel the soil getting dry...don't wait until your plants are wilting!), and add a good plant food to the water. The results will amaze you and stand up to any neighbor out there gardening in their yard. And you'll have less weeds, too!
There's nothing better than walking out on your patio and picking some fresh herbs or vegetables to go along with whatever you're grilling. Or cutting yourself some beautiful flowers to bring indoors. And don't let the containers "contain" you! Trailing vines, roses, etc. look beautiful climbing along your patio railings!
Gotta go...I have some containers to plant! Let me know how you do or if I can answer any questions you might have. Happy planting!
Many of us do not have much outdoor space in which to garden. Over the years, I've worked on numerous indoor and patio gardens which allow me to enjoy the colorful beauty, wonderful fragrance and delicious taste of the many plants that are available at your local farmer's market or gar in all shapes and sizes.
My favorite planting includes flowering, herbs and vegetables all tucked in together in a wonderful, eye-catching pot. This type of planting will thrive on your patio or step if it gets either morning or afternoon sun, good ventilation and the right amount of water.
Many different pots will work. I've found the most unique containers that become wonderful planters. Terra cotta looks good with many different plants but it can be heavy and is not frost resistent. Unglazed terra cotta has good air circulation, which is very important. Wood offers a natural look. Usually you'll see wood used for window boxes or barrel plantings. It's important to ensure the wood has not been treated with any chemicals that will harm your plants or you, if you're planting edibles. Plastic pots are lightweight and come in almost all colors, shapes, and sizes. Some of them are also designed to look like clay. Plastic doesn't chip and the pots won't break if left outside in cold weather. But plastic pots do not allow for much air circulation within the planting.
Once you've chosen your pot, the first thing you want to do is invest in a good potting soil, one that has a good fertilizer/plant food mixed in. Before adding the soil, make sure your pot has good drainage. Makes sure there are holes in the bottom of the pot, if not you can easily drill a few. Create a drainage system by simply placing some small stones at the bottom of the pot, being sure not to totally cover up the holes. It's also been suggested to use a small amount of charcoal sprinkled on the stones for freshness. Once I couldn't get ahold of a single stone so I broke down some of the hundreds of seashells I've collected over the years and it worked wonderfully.
You can first place your plants on top of the soil in your pot to get an idea of how you want your design to look. Check out a color wheel to decide which flowering plants you want in the same pot. I like a variety of color, shapes, sizes and textures. I always like to put something tall right in the center, such as a group of Allium (chives) which have that pretty purple "globe" flower. Upright, trailing and clumping are the different terms used to describe the various shapes of plants. Trailing colorful plants always look great planted along the edges of your pot and include Lobelia, Pansies, Nasturtiums & Fuschia. A great look is mixing colorful trailing plants with green or variegated ones such as Vinca vine.
I like to plant a mix of red & green lettuce next to clumps of white Allysum along with herbs such as Rosemary, Sage (Russian Sage leaves have a fabulous color & texture to them), Mint, Lavender, Basil, Dill...the list goes on and on! It's also great to add some scented geraniums to the mix. Of course the lovely "Martha Washington" geraniums in white, pink or red are always a great addition to your container garden.
The possibilities are endless for your container garden when you let your imagination run wild. The only thing you don't want to run wild is your container garden, except for your trailing plants...the longer and fuller, the better! Otherwise, give it a good pruning once a week, water as needed (you'll see and feel the soil getting dry...don't wait until your plants are wilting!), and add a good plant food to the water. The results will amaze you and stand up to any neighbor out there gardening in their yard. And you'll have less weeds, too!
There's nothing better than walking out on your patio and picking some fresh herbs or vegetables to go along with whatever you're grilling. Or cutting yourself some beautiful flowers to bring indoors. And don't let the containers "contain" you! Trailing vines, roses, etc. look beautiful climbing along your patio railings!
Gotta go...I have some containers to plant! Let me know how you do or if I can answer any questions you might have. Happy planting!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Indoor Gardening
Here's a D-U-H moment for you. It just dawned on me that I might have some "Comments" to my blog posts! I hadn't checked! Unreal.
SO...a certain someone has requested that I dedicate a Post to indoor gardening for those of us who love all the color and textures but don't have the yards. I'd be happy to!
I have a bit of research to do and will have my Post up this week. Thanks for asking!
SO...a certain someone has requested that I dedicate a Post to indoor gardening for those of us who love all the color and textures but don't have the yards. I'd be happy to!
I have a bit of research to do and will have my Post up this week. Thanks for asking!
Monday Update
Good morning, all!
I'm really happy with the progress I've made over the weekend. Having a tool set enabled me to hang a beautifully framed poster that has been propped up against my bedroom wall for a long time now. I hung it over the new dresser I put in my room, switching out the oversized armoire for the smaller, more manageable dresser.
Going through my armoire, I filled an entire huge box with great clothes that I'll never wear again...so off to Goodwill. We also went through the kids clothes (just a start) and sent off 7 large bags of their clothes. Really nice things that someone else can enjoy instead of them sitting around in piles!
My daughter Leah and son Adam, along with his girlfriend CC, helped me to clear out our living room & vacuum and polish the wood floors. What a great feeling that was! I also inherited my parent's beautiful dining room table and chairs and lovely curio cabinet, so I have a lovely dining room today. Thank you, my family! The cabinet is breathtaking and brings back so many wonderful memories. (It was also a very teary weekend fully of nostalgia...lots of changes in our family, more to come on that!)
Then after a few hours of organizing and cleaning, my daughter and I took a mile and 1/2 power walk...yes, I'm sore but it felt great and a really good accomplishment! So is it my imagination or am I feeling lighter and more hopeful today? As we say in our family, "messy bed, messy head." Today my head doesn't feel messy and I have hope that my beautiful space will look the way it deserves to look...and I'll feel and look the way I deserve to! Life is good.
I'm really happy with the progress I've made over the weekend. Having a tool set enabled me to hang a beautifully framed poster that has been propped up against my bedroom wall for a long time now. I hung it over the new dresser I put in my room, switching out the oversized armoire for the smaller, more manageable dresser.
Going through my armoire, I filled an entire huge box with great clothes that I'll never wear again...so off to Goodwill. We also went through the kids clothes (just a start) and sent off 7 large bags of their clothes. Really nice things that someone else can enjoy instead of them sitting around in piles!
My daughter Leah and son Adam, along with his girlfriend CC, helped me to clear out our living room & vacuum and polish the wood floors. What a great feeling that was! I also inherited my parent's beautiful dining room table and chairs and lovely curio cabinet, so I have a lovely dining room today. Thank you, my family! The cabinet is breathtaking and brings back so many wonderful memories. (It was also a very teary weekend fully of nostalgia...lots of changes in our family, more to come on that!)
Then after a few hours of organizing and cleaning, my daughter and I took a mile and 1/2 power walk...yes, I'm sore but it felt great and a really good accomplishment! So is it my imagination or am I feeling lighter and more hopeful today? As we say in our family, "messy bed, messy head." Today my head doesn't feel messy and I have hope that my beautiful space will look the way it deserves to look...and I'll feel and look the way I deserve to! Life is good.
Friday, May 15, 2009
One a Day
Well, I've decided to do at least one thing each day to improve my life. I took a good look at myself this past week while my entire family was here during our dad's heart surgery...and I didn't like what I saw. I'd given in to the fybromyalgia I suffer with so badly and let it get the best of me. I let myself go, my house go, everything in my life has been on a downward slide. No more. It's time to take it up to where it belongs.
So each day I am choosing one or two things to concentrate on to reach my goals. Today I got myself a tool set...sound trivial, right? But for me, it's huge! I haven't had a tool set in ages, not since my kids were little and totally took the entire set apart and lost the pieces. So when I need to do a little home repair, I never have the tools I need! Now I do.
I'm also taking myself on a little shape-up journey. Now this is a journey I've started many times before. I go a little way and I stop. I'd get tired or I'd get discouraged and give up. Well...no more. I'll never give up. I remember how it felt to be in shape, to be proud of the way I looked. I don't like hiding behind people in photographs or feeling ashamed that my family is going to see that I haven't changed since last time they saw me...or changed for the worse. I want to feel good and I want to look good. And I am getting there, even as I speak!
So today I have my sneakers and a great track waiting for me after work. Four times around is a mile. I can do that. I can do five times around. And someday, I'll be running it again like I used to. Or at least a really fast walk. Because I have places to go still. I thought the ballgame was over after my mom died. Felt like just giving up on everything. But that wouldn't make her happy. I might be in the 9th inning, but this is one ballgame that I'm going to win.
So each day I am choosing one or two things to concentrate on to reach my goals. Today I got myself a tool set...sound trivial, right? But for me, it's huge! I haven't had a tool set in ages, not since my kids were little and totally took the entire set apart and lost the pieces. So when I need to do a little home repair, I never have the tools I need! Now I do.
I'm also taking myself on a little shape-up journey. Now this is a journey I've started many times before. I go a little way and I stop. I'd get tired or I'd get discouraged and give up. Well...no more. I'll never give up. I remember how it felt to be in shape, to be proud of the way I looked. I don't like hiding behind people in photographs or feeling ashamed that my family is going to see that I haven't changed since last time they saw me...or changed for the worse. I want to feel good and I want to look good. And I am getting there, even as I speak!
So today I have my sneakers and a great track waiting for me after work. Four times around is a mile. I can do that. I can do five times around. And someday, I'll be running it again like I used to. Or at least a really fast walk. Because I have places to go still. I thought the ballgame was over after my mom died. Felt like just giving up on everything. But that wouldn't make her happy. I might be in the 9th inning, but this is one ballgame that I'm going to win.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Calm After the Storm
Well, it's been quite a week. Our sweet dad went in for a triple by-pass which scared us all but he did really great and is recovering well...a real trooper. My entire family came in to be with him, and my sister Meg stayed at our place with her sweet 3 year old, Annie. Now they've gone back home and I have to say, the house is way too quiet! I miss that sweet little voice saying "good morning, Keekoo, I love you." What a gift she is.
So this post is about gifts...we receive them every single day and sometimes don't even realize it. I miss them when I'm out looking for them...because they are right in front of my face and I just need to stop and see. My children, my family, my legs that get me where I need to go! My good friends who will always be there for me, my music, my voice, my love of good books, good movies, good food and the health to enjoy them and the (sometimes) money to buy them! And most of all...my God...the greatest gift of all and the One I often turn a blind eye to, so wrapped up in the craziness of it all, the want, the need. We have everything we'll ever need right inside of us. All we need to do is tap into it and give thanks for it...every single day.
So this post is about gifts...we receive them every single day and sometimes don't even realize it. I miss them when I'm out looking for them...because they are right in front of my face and I just need to stop and see. My children, my family, my legs that get me where I need to go! My good friends who will always be there for me, my music, my voice, my love of good books, good movies, good food and the health to enjoy them and the (sometimes) money to buy them! And most of all...my God...the greatest gift of all and the One I often turn a blind eye to, so wrapped up in the craziness of it all, the want, the need. We have everything we'll ever need right inside of us. All we need to do is tap into it and give thanks for it...every single day.
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