Never Give Up

I have so many emotions today I feel like my head is going to explode. Literally, I have such a pain in my right temple I honestly think it's going to blow...watch out below!

I'm frustrated...I'm sad...I'm overtired...I'm worried...I'm angry...I'm damn sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm REALLY tired of the way people behave. Of course I do realize that I have no power over anything...except my reaction to it, the way I behave, the things I do for myself to navigate through all of this...shall we say baloney? bologna? crap?!?!

Even though I know that technically it might not be one family member's responsibility to care for another who might be struggling, I can't imagine a world where this person wouldn't help! Like now! To the rescue! After all, what did Jesus ask of us? TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER! That's the only reason we're here! Not to build these damn companies, bridges, huge buildings, massive armies with all of our instruments of destruction...NONE OF THAT! LOVE...that's the reason. And a huge part of loving each other is HELPING each other...plain and simple!

But people don't seem to get it! Someone new joins the family out of the blue and WHAM, nothing and nobody is ever the same. People are ignored. People are left behind...it's as if one can all of a sudden be forgotten. It's crap. And I will never understand it.

Someone reading this might have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe I don't either. But the simple fact is that I once had a family and now it seems like they're gone. We lost my mom and since then the entire dynamic that once was my family has disappeared...gone forever! And it's breaking my heart and frustrating me to the point of daily sobbing, bad dreams and expoding headaches.

I was going to talk about the strange things going on at work but I honestly have to stop. It's all too much for me right now. I'll never give up...but today I will try to give in, to surrender. Because I can't control these people. Oh, I want to! But I can't. Maybe I'm right and they just don't get it...and getting crazy over it won't help me. Today I will pray that God will help us all. We need it.