Never Give Up

I have so many emotions today I feel like my head is going to explode. Literally, I have such a pain in my right temple I honestly think it's going to blow...watch out below!

I'm frustrated...I'm sad...I'm overtired...I'm worried...I'm angry...I'm damn sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm REALLY tired of the way people behave. Of course I do realize that I have no power over anything...except my reaction to it, the way I behave, the things I do for myself to navigate through all of this...shall we say baloney? bologna? crap?!?!

Even though I know that technically it might not be one family member's responsibility to care for another who might be struggling, I can't imagine a world where this person wouldn't help! Like now! To the rescue! After all, what did Jesus ask of us? TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER! That's the only reason we're here! Not to build these damn companies, bridges, huge buildings, massive armies with all of our instruments of destruction...NONE OF THAT! LOVE...that's the reason. And a huge part of loving each other is HELPING each other...plain and simple!

But people don't seem to get it! Someone new joins the family out of the blue and WHAM, nothing and nobody is ever the same. People are ignored. People are left behind...it's as if one can all of a sudden be forgotten. It's crap. And I will never understand it.

Someone reading this might have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe I don't either. But the simple fact is that I once had a family and now it seems like they're gone. We lost my mom and since then the entire dynamic that once was my family has disappeared...gone forever! And it's breaking my heart and frustrating me to the point of daily sobbing, bad dreams and expoding headaches.

I was going to talk about the strange things going on at work but I honestly have to stop. It's all too much for me right now. I'll never give up...but today I will try to give in, to surrender. Because I can't control these people. Oh, I want to! But I can't. Maybe I'm right and they just don't get it...and getting crazy over it won't help me. Today I will pray that God will help us all. We need it.

Summertime

Things haven't been easy lately...for any of us. Financially, emotionally, physically...so many issues each and every day. I'm really looking forward to some nice sunny days, some summertime enjoyment. Remember those kinds of days? Hot summer days with your friends, swimming, driving around, hiking...or just generally getting into trouble. I remember those days! Now I have worries...what will my young daughter do this summer while I'm working full time? Will my son find a job? What does his future hold? Will I be able to hold on to this job or maybe even get a better one? In this economy, who knows? I'm lucky to be working.
And our home...such a pretty townhouse yet so many problems from day one. Exterior leaking into the basement...interior leaking from the master tub...broken gutters causing floods outside...and now the washer and dryer from hell have broken down...boo hoo. Let me tell you how much I love spending all that money at the laundromat...such fun. But no money for a new set yet, so cry me a river, has to be done.
We have it pretty good...things aren't that bad when you think about it. If we could all get healthy, that would be the most important thing. If my son would graduate from high school, that would be really great. If my daughter can find something great to do and not be alone, I'd feel so much better. And maybe inbetween the rinse cycle and the dryer, we can find a stream to stick our toes into. Grab some good times wherever we can.